u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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