Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize