i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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