Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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