You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
