what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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