I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
