my mouth tastes like poor choices
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
