Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
