I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
