3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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