So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
