She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
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I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize