Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
