Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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