dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
