I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
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The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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