I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
