I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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