I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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