i don't like sucking hair
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
