Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
