And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
