I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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