I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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