I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
