I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
