Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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