i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
