well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
