He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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