I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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