I wish i was in the wii world.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
