I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
