Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
