Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
