I need to stop coming to work sober
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
