me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
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I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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