i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
