i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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