I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
