Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
