I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
