you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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