So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
