sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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