smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
