I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
