It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
