You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
