You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
