I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I believe in your delicious
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
