We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
