Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
