Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
