Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you had me at cake vodka
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I lost the right to judge tonight
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
