Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
