We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
