Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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