i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
