Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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