so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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